There is a saying (of the ratchet category) that circulates in our modern society. It states “No Fucks given.” This is the sentiment that I would like to relay to the previous months and weeks and most of the days of 2014. Now most people rarely see this side of me, and my eternally delusional optimism is indeed still intact. I just feel that in order to process the events of not only the past year, but he past two years I must maintain the mantra. But in the most positive way possible. You see I still care very deeply and give some fucks, however I have got to let some stuff go. This is the only way 2015 is going to work for me. Now I’ve been doing a hella lot of research regarding why events occurred, if there was a pattern of destiny that was deliberately destroying my attempts at exercising my free will. I looked to many sources; astrology, Buddhism, AA, physics….if there was a place where many people sought answers, I looked in that place. The only conclusion I drew for this research is that I can control a wire hanger with the energy that my body conducts and I am lacking a internal locus of control. So at that point, the only thing I could control was the Domino’s pizza app. Digressing…So let’s look at the bright, I’m alive, I have a job I enjoy, I live in a nice place, my friends are rad, my dog is cool, I ditched a loser and met someone nice, I’ve traveled, I cultivated deeper relationships, and I achieved all of the goals that I set for myself in October of 2013. So The parts that I am referring to, the “no fucks given” parts follow as such….. The melancholy that lingered seemingly endlessly at the loss of my best friend, the end of a decade long diseased love affair, any attempt there after to salvage said love affair or friendship (I don’t want to be your fucking friend,) The cruelty of the one person I thought would save me, and, like, the overall feeling of entrapment, resentment and self loathing. To all of that, I have only this to think, that after all the over thinking I did to attempt to understand the reason theses things happened and why it left in solitude of an almost emotionally unavailable nature, there is no reason. Sometimes shit suck, no fucks given. But there is another saying that has stuck around along the ages and sometimes, it only takes the right person to say it to you and it goes “you have to have the bad to appreciate the good.” So to the god coming to me in the next year, I give all the fucks, I really do.
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pamelasmithson 